Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Another Badge of Honor

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I'm not sure what the badges would look like if I were to create a "Mom Merit Badge" line. I know what some of them would be titled and how you would earn them though. Extra points would result in the badge being made of gold thread or a trip to a day spa.

1. Pregnancy (Surviving morning sickness and being kicked in your organs. Extra points if morning sickness lasts morning, noon, night, and the whole pregnancy.)

2. Breast-Feeding (Surviving what feels like a wild badger chomping down on a most sensitive place.)

3. Feeding (Successfully keeping your child alive by administering food during extreme sleep deprivation. Extra points if you shower more than twice in one week.)

4. Heading Back to Work (Successfully separating from your child without displaying any signs of a nervous breakdown.)

5. Crawling, Walking, & Talking (Maintaining dignity while crawling on the ground to exhibit proper technique to your child. Extra points if child walks and chews gum at the same time.)

6. Potty Training (This is earned by not killing your child. Extra points if the child appears to not be emotionally scarred by the process.)

7. Birthday Party (Maintaining sanity while hosting or attending a birthday party with more than one toddler. Extra points if there's a clown or over-sized animal present and no one cries.)

8. Vomit Distribution (Successfully coaching a toddler through the process of upchucking while not flinching or gagging when spewed upon. Extra points if carpet is fired upon only once and puking sessions stay on easy to wipe service.)

9. Kindergarten (Maintaining dignity while walking to your car on your child's first day of school. Extra points if crying does not commence until safely in the car away from public viewing.)

10. Broken Heart (This is earned by not killing the child whom caused the pain to your child.)

There are lots more to add I know. I've made it to number eight so far. I surprised myself when I didn't get grossed out or ask John to take over as I was puked on a few times. John was awesome, he ran to the store for anything I thought might help. I felt honored once again to be Rylee's mommy. Even though it wasn't a fun situation, it was nice being the one she turned to for comfort.

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