I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You

They say the older you get, time goes by quicker. And anyone with one kid or multiple kids will agree time goes even faster when they are added to your life. When you have a kid around you realize you get more done in one hour by yourself than you would in six hours with them around. You’re not complaining; you just don’t know where your time goes.
My current situation has left me with plenty of time to accomplish goals I have had for years. I haven’t accomplished much; I’m just saying it’s possible right now. Now if I only had motivation…

In an attempt to curb unnecessary spending I started looking in my pantry for food I could prepare. Ooh Kraft Mac ‘n Cheese! (Keep your comments about how unhealthy it is to yourself.) I have always liked it despite how frequently I ate it as a kid. So I do all the preparing and now it’s time to pour the powder substance they call cheese into the cooked macaroni. Hmmm…that’s strange. It doesn’t look like its normal fluorescent orange color I’m used to seeing. Hmmm…can this be expired? No way, this stuff doesn’t expire does it? Isn’t this stuff supposed to survive a nuclear bomb with the cockroaches? (FYI, Myth Busters busted that myth about cockroaches.) Well I’ll be! It actually has an expiration date! Let’s see, oh boy, 2009. How in the world did that happen?!!?! Let’s call Mom and see what she says about this.

“Well honey, Mac ‘n Cheese never stayed that long in our cupboard, we always ate it so I’ve never had to worry about the expiration date. Does it taste weird?”

“It’s a lot darker orange than I’m used to seeing. I can’t tell if it tastes different because I know it’s expired or because it actually tastes weird. I’m not risking it.”

“Oh well, guess you better find something else. Or maybe you should actually learn how to cook.”

“Yea, I’ll get right on that as soon as I find the right apron. Love you Mom.”

Now I’m annoyed I’ve wasted the milk and butter used to make this questionable concoction. And I’m hungry and everything else in the pantry requires ingredients I don’t have. Grrrr…
I guess I should pull anything else that’s expired and toss it.

Oh look, four more boxes of expired Mac ‘n Cheese! What the hell is going on?! Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it. Pick it up, check it, expired, toss it.

One giant black garbage bag later, you know the industrial kind for carry cinder blocks, I have one pretty pantry! Here are the gold, silver, and bronze winners in the category of “Oldest Food Product in the Roemer Pantry.”

Third place goes to Campbell’s Cream of Chicken. It put in a great effort with an expiration date in November of 2007.

Second place goes to Crystal Light Lemonade. A valiant try left it short of the gold but you have to applaud its gusto. It had an expiration date of May 26, 2006.

Finally the competition was blown away by Quaker Oatmeal. This product, though mild in flavor, was loaded with the spiciness of a scorn woman. Its expiration date was July 13, 2004.

We moved to Texas in January of 2005. That means we brought that oatmeal with us. I don’t know the shelf life of oatmeal but let’s just say for fun it is one year, which would mean the oatmeal was at least bought in 2003. That is one well aged oatmeal! So, eight year old oatmeal has been residing in my pantry. Why would I share this? One, it’s funny. You have to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes. Two, to let people know it happens to the best of us. Three, prevention? If you are reading this then maybe you’ll go clean out your pantry. Four, maybe if I write this I will be more likely to keep on top of cleaning the pantry out.